“Divorce Garden”

It is said, “An empty mind is a devil’s workshop!”. I would like to be honest and apply it on myself. But how do I apply anything about ‘Dimaag’ on a ‘fauzi’? It is said that ‘Fauzi ka dimaag (if any) ghutne mein hota hai’. Should I put it this way – “An unused knee (ghutna) is a devil’s workshop!” Whatever may be the terminology, this out-of-shape soldier takes pride in the fact that he tries for out-of-box ideas. Two of the ideas which have been put forward in the past need special mention. First was to redesign the coins of the world with head on one side and heart (not tail) on another. Second was to suggest that the suffix “Retd.” after a name should mean  ‘Retreaded not Retired’. I got away with both these ideas, it appears. At least I did not get any brickbats even if I was not praised enough. So, thinking positively, permit another of the ideas. That of a “Divorce Garden” in the town. Let me explain.

Every year new marriage gardens are coming up in the town and, possibly, all are doing good businesses. Why can’t we have a single “Divorce Garden” in the town then? Logic is actually very simple. But before that, let me share an embarrassing incident with you. We knew of a couple. Happily married as far as I thought. One day we met the lady on a railway station. She was alone. We had time at our disposal so I started asking questions about her husband. She was suddenly very uncomfortable and started looking at the sky and on the earth in rather quick succession. As I  had not paid much attention to my wife, who might have been trying desperately to gesture something (I usually don’t when there happens to be a good looking single lady around!), she stamped mildly on my boot and indicated silence. She changed the subject about weather etc. and we parted company. Later my wife gave one of her best sermons to me. “ Did I not tell you about their divorce last month when your were involved in your stupid cricket match?” When I denied, she was quick to point, “ When do you ever pay any attention to me while I speak to you?” Later she came to her favorite pastime “ And I was trying to caution you for a long time, but you have eyes only for the ‘parai stree’!” I had, as usual, my dose and there it ended.

Or did it? I kept thinking about it. Why couldn’t the lady tell me plain and simple that they are divorced? Is it a crime for the two to be separated? While she used to be full of the stories about her husband’s humor and achievements when we met last, now she wouldn’t even listen a word about him?  Why does a divorce result in to a hush-hush affair? Can an ex-wife have only the tag of an enemy? Even when we have short activities like a NCC camp etc., we celebrate the completion by a party; call it camp fire. How is it then that a long association of 10-15 or more years should culminate in to both being sworn enemies of each other? Why can’t we have a gala party when they part as friends? 

If there are kids, they would also get the message that the parents are still friends and they (the children) can count upon both for help when they need it. Why (in the computer parlance) the “Either/Or gate” opens for the children (that they can either have the support of Mummy or the Papa)? 

Hope we principally agree to this logic of having a gala get-together before calling quits. If that be so, this is where the proposed “Divorce Garden” comes in. The couple should come together (for the last time) and enjoy the evening marking the end of their long association. All mutual friends must come together and assure the couple that they are still friends and nothing has changed. That they are as much respected and cared for by the society as they were before they got separated. Even the couple must thank each other for the good times they had and wish the very best for future. 

 You are right judge saheb. We can’t divide 

three children after you approve off our 

divorce. We will apply next year then! 

I must close and spend some time with my wife. Or else, I may soon be called upon to putting all these ideas in action. Not owning a divorce garden but being the first user of one such garden! 

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Should Indian Killer Instincts
Remain Killed?

Global village. Distances matter little now. Given the internet time and soon distances shall surely not matter. Geography has indeed become the history. But the history has not really become the ‘history’ in that sense! It is still playing the inspirational and the motivational role shaping the Indian culture and is supposed to keep playing a role for the posterity.

Coming to the “killer instinct”, the subject of this article, time and again we have let the enemy off the hook at the last minute whether in the sports field or in war. We may still believe strongly in the Olympic principles, 'participating is important, winning is not’. People like Virat Kohli would be an exception here. It is high time we stop debating whether we Indians have the killer instinct or not and accept that we do not have this.

Now let us find the reason for it we can, and eliminate these, again if we can. One such scope is apparent to me in the role models we have been having and the morals of the stories that have been narrated down the generations. Role models stand for definite ideals and we do have a tendency to get influenced by these models, especially as we hear/ read about these in our younger, impressionable years. Allow me to take up the case of the Rajput king Prithviraj Chauhan for this article. For God's sake, it is only an idea for discussion and the author has no intention whatsoever to hurt feelings of any section of the society.

First, permit me to digress a bit . It was a small event  that made me think on this subject. Many years back I was invited as a chief guest for the Independence Day ceremony of one of the schools. It was a good show by over enthusiastic and eager students.

One of the items presented by a girls was a poem with a central idea “Jao Pakistan tujhe ek bar aur maaf kiya, aab idhar kabhi nazar mat dalana” (go away Pakistan, we pardon you once more , never ever look this side again.)

This had a train of thought moving .Why our young children are still speaking the language of forgiving? Why not about total annihilation, over killing the enemy? Possibly forgiving and forgetting comes rather naturally to us. If yes, is it because we worship historical characters who forgave their enemies?

And the reasons could be these wrong role models that are been set up for us, Prithviraj one among them.

Before preceding further, a bit on the ethics. Do we have the authority to judge the personalities from the history books on the limited information available and erase their names from the books if we feel they are not spreading the right message? Let this be decided by those who are controlling the society. I should be entitled to exercise my freedom of expression.

Now, the brief story of  Prithviraj Chauhan. Mohammad Ghauri invaded the country 16 times, as it told in the history. That he was defeated by Chauhan 15 times and pardoned. Now whether caught physically and released or was not perused while withdrawing after the defeat is not known. Pardoned 15 times that is for sure. Ghauri got lucky 16th time, defeated Chauhan and plundered the nation. It was read somewhere that the victors had ‘free for all’ for a week and they went on rampage, raping women around, killing and  looting whatever they could lay their hands on.

It further says that Prithviraj was blinded by Ghauri and also that still he managed to kill Ghauri through his uncanny skills of archery. But that is not the issue, issue is of his rights, authority of subjecting his innocent subjects to massacre. Is the king not paid (literally “Lagaan” style) for protecting his subjects ? Okay, this king may have failed in his duties. He may not have been pardoning because he wanted to go down in to the history as a great magnanimous king. But are we putting that king on a pedestal? Why we are teaching our children about his megalomaniac king? I personally feel that the king was virtually blind on all 15 occasions; it was only physical blindness which he had to suffer on the 16th occasion. Either we should erase the name of this king or he should be taught in the history as a brave but not-so-wise king who lived in his fool’s paradise. You might ask me as to why am I suggesting this? Because it does percolate in our psyche and makes us hesitant killing an enemy even if he is lying down at our mercy? Almost what was portrayed in “Border” movie when the young lieutenant, Akshay Khanna, is dumb with terror when he is expected to kill the defeated enemy lying on the ground at his mercy? That’s why I suggest this change.

How many times have we heard that our sportsmen do not have the killer instinct, the killing spirit that is required to do liver the final knockout punch? As an example take Vijay Amrutraj. When he emerged as the junior champion at Wimbledon, the tennis pundits claims that the three players were the ABC of the modern tennis then (Amrutraj, Borg and Connors and mind you, IN THAT ORDER). See results achieved now. Borg won Wimbledon 5 times and become a living legend;  Connors is widely accepted as one of the greatest players of all time. And look what did Amrutraj achieve. One Volvo tournament and many “Best Gentleman player of the Tournament” awards! Being a gentleman is good but if it is at the cost of your profession, it may not be accepted. The bottom line is to win. If it means not being gentlemanly, just too bad! Don’t the Australians sledge openly to win?

A nation must also indulge in a SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threats) analysis like an individuals is supposed to. The Chinese understand that they are not getting their due place in the international business thanks to the lack of spoken English ability. That’s why, they have invited thousands of English teachers in their country to get over this weakness. Many of the teachers shall be from India. Should we not import Martial Arts teachers from them for reviving the dormant killing in us? And the ‘killing spirit may come with them not the way it happens in India now - 

Only ‘Killing Spirit’ seen in most parts of our country is this - the ‘Desi Daru’!

Reincarnation of the long dead killer instinct is what is the need of the hour.

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Profession and Hobby ;
Wife and Girlfriend  

When I entered Engineering College Jabalpur in 1967, my room mate was Akash (name changed). Akash’s parents were settled at Jabalpur, though he choose to be in the hostel. Somehow, he kept struggling to clear the first year, while the batch moved on. After three years of struggle, he took a transfer to an engineering college in another town of MP, but the ill-luck continued, as we came to know. Around 1982, I was posted to Jabalpur and visited his parents. When enquired about Akash, I was pleasantly surprised (‘shocked’ would be better!). His mother asked me, “Don’t you know, he is having a good medical practice in USA?” It transpired that, after a struggle in engineering for almost 5 years, he decided to appear in an All India Exam for entrance in a US Medical college, did very well and was then practicing as a doctor in America!

Imagine the hard toil, the frustration he would have faced trying to make a mark in a field which was NOT HIS. Yes, he was fortunate (may be courageous) to take up a medical exam but how many of us would do that? They may never know their true direction! How many square pegs are there in round holes?

An interesting story appeared in newspapers in the last week of Jun, 2003. Two sisters from a small town in Maharashtra were separated when the younger one was only 6 months  and the older 7 years old. Younger one was adopted from a orphanage by a Spanish couple and settled at Barcelona. She had flair for writing and wrote a popular book on child adoption. This book was chosen for a movie to be made and this girl, 28 now, was also selected for the lead role. While in India for the movie production, she searched around for her roots. Finally, she met her sister. When she met her sister after 28 years, the later was literally cutting grass in a village! That was her profession. One can imagine the contrast it would have made - a worldly-wise sister in modern attire while the other cutting grass!

A word on the Personality Development theories here. Despite of differences of opinions, most theories agree that heredity is the most important determinant of a personality. In other words, in our story the elder, “grass-cutter”, sister would also have had the talent to write a popular novel or to act in a movie. Only she would not have ever known it!!! All her life she would have been cutting grass without knowing her potential. The other sister had the environment and opportunity and may have reached her potential to a fair degree.

That makes us think how many of us are in the “grass cutting” mode?? How many of us would never know what we are really capable of and, not knowing this, would keep revolving in the current mundane orbit till we decay rather than jumping with additional energy to the next exciting one.

If only these expensive private schools could tell me, with a fair degree of accuracy, what is the right field for my child, a great load off my head would be taken care of. Presently, they may tell me, “no, your child is not good enough for mathematics”, but wouldn’t tell me, “his right field would be Law/Literature/R & D/Military/Sports etc.’. Unfortunately, he has to learn this by trial and error. Like many, he may never know what he was ideally suited for.

Consequently, many of us are working in the fields were we have no interest at all. That adage, “your hobby and your profession should be same”, is only in the books for many.

On schools taking the lead, I am reminded of our army training at Officers Training School, Chennai. Before opting for a particular corps/service, we were given educating as well as interesting lectures by the senior officers of those departments, letting us know what to expect, why their corps/service is better.

For this to happen, first the staff in the schools/institutions should have a fair idea what is expected of the students to be in a particular field. Psychological tests may be required for the various major fields and the psychologists to advise. They may also like to engage the experts in various major areas to brief the passing out students on what to expect from the field of their expertise.  

Till it happens, system will run as it is. Permit me to close on a quote. Get married to your girlfriend, if feasible. If not, for whatever reasons, make your wife your girlfriend. That is, make your hobby your profession. If you can’t for whatever reasons, make your profession your hobby. (Not the way depicted in the following cartoon.) 

He is never in the office! Since the other day, the speaker said that one should make his hobby his profession or, if not should make his profession his hobby. Surely, Mr. Rao is actually taking his profession as his hobby, coming to office at his own sweet time!

Hope you are the fortunate one to have your hobby as your profession!

PD

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